On Time and Second Chances

There is part of me, that never gave up hope.
A spark of something I tried to kill because it hurt too much to think about.
To let myself dream, was to ensure my own destruction.
So I didn’t.
As time passed, I threw myself into new projects.
I found things that brought me joy.
Things I’d have never dreamt of in a different life.
I found my happy again.
It had never really left me.
It just disguised itself in the darkness.
I said goodbye to so much that fevered day.
A future I’d outlined in my heart.
The man who’d earned my love so wholly.
When I think about it, it still pricks my eyes.
A blemish on my soul, that might take some time to fully heal.
When I look back, I know that it wasn’t something done to us.
It was a gift, for us.
The gift of time.
Time to sort the things in our heads, wants, needs, desires, and fears.
Time to figure out what required bravery and courage.
Time to listen to hearts.
To find the rhythm they beat to again.
And eventually, a second chance.
I don’t know where this leads yet.
I’m almost too afraid to ask.
Shamefully afraid I’ll blink and you’ll disappear again.
I’m still learning to trust.
But I know that I don’t regret you.
Or our second chance.
I needed the time, although I couldn’t say as much with clarity then.
I know you did too.
Being around you has always been as easy as breathing.
What we have is built on friendship, values, and desire.
I know we will continue to build.
I look forward with hope.
Leaving fear behind.

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