I truly wish sometimes that I was less conservative with my thoughts and emotions online and that I could really open up right now about some of the things going on in my life. But life doesn’t really allow for that yet. Maybe someday I’ll get the okay and I’ll be able to share some of the crazy. For now it seemed appropriate to watch the one and only Crazy Ex Girlfriend. It really is my new favorite show on Hulu.

Rebeca Bunch packed up her entire life and moved from New York, New York to West Covina, California basically for a boy. But to be fair she was really unhappy and as the catchy theme song tells us, she was broken inside. In a lot of not quite as crazy ways, I think that Rebeca is the most relateable character. Let’s face it, we’ve all wanted to pack up our lives, and start fresh. Some of us have even done it before (raises hand sheepishly), some even more then once (raises hand again). Moving somewhere new is the ultimate clean slate. The hardest part is making friends and finding new places to hang out. In the end all places are really a lot alike. No matter where you go, there are people and no matter where you go you’ll be there.

In tonight’s episode, Rebeca was dealing with her own depression. I’m reminded of a Before Sunrise quote about no matter where you go, you can never really escape yourself.

I picked up the book Furiously Happy by Jenny Lawson this week. It has been uber refreshing to read about the honesty someone who has battled mental illness has with regards to their condition. It’s the same reason I respect Wil Wheaton so much for talking about his battle with depression. Rebeca is battling the same fight right now on the show and I know that millions of other people (in real life) are also battling this same fight.

My sister is one of those people. This past week has been such a struggle because of her failing battle with mental illness. It has taken such hold of her that she can no longer see the differences between reality and her imagination. It has shattered my heart to watch her go through this and alienate everyone who loves her. This past week will come to a head on Monday after Thanksgiving. I really hope that she will find the courage to reach out and accept the help that she needs.

I won’t pretend to know everything or even how to address mental illness publicly. So I’ll just try to remain honest about it all. I can say this, mental illness doesn’t just effect the person, it effects the whole family. If you suffer don’t hesitate to ask someone for help. There are people who won’t judge your actions, needs, desires. There is always help, I know it might not seem like it. Coming from someone on the other side, I wish I could force help on my sister but I can’t. I can’t force her to address her problems head on. I can’t force her to see someone. All I can do is continue to love her, no matter how hard it gets. Don’t push those who love you away, sometimes all they want to do is help.