I’ve thought about doing the Ancestry.com test for ages. How cool would it be to learn definitively where I’m from. What parts of the world make up who I am. My sister, Mom, and I were talking and decided my dad would think it was pretty cool too, so my sister bought him a DNA test for Christmas. I bought one shortly after only I didn’t wait till after Christmas to take mine.

My results were a bit of a shocker. As in, mom and I agreed not to show Dad until after he took his because he might not want to do it if he saw my results first. He’d insist they were wrong. That someone messed up.

Fast forward to two weeks ago when Dad got his results. “Someone messed up. It’s wrong.” Well, dad, I explained, let me show you something. I pulled up my own results where it listed him as my father and my uncle on my mom’s side as my uncle. He sat in stunned silence for a while. “But where’s the rest of my family?” I could only shrug. His results listed over a thousand DNA matches. But not a single one from his dad’s side of the family. How can this be? How does such a large clan of people not have a single match.

You and I, my reader friend, know exactly how. Either my dad isn’t his father’s son or my grandfather isn’t his father’s son. It’s crazy to think about. Like finding out you’re adopted. It would explain a lot though. Like why does my dad have corkscrew tight curls and no one else hardly has a wave to their hair? Or why does everyone else in the family who has red hair have the same color red hair while my dad’s red is about twenty shades lighter. His nose doesn’t have the “Boyer” hump, although he’ll tell a story of how he broke it when he was little. What about his teeth? They all have distinct teeth. But dad lost his front four when he was in an accident and they’re fake. There’s always been an explanation for all the reasons he’s not like the rest of his family.

But DNA doesn’t lie.

My dad is too afraid to upset his mother with the results. I guess asking your mom if she had an affair or something seedier happened is a bit of a touchy subject. To prove how easy it is, I asked my mom in front of him but I don’t think it had the same effect. We all laughed about it but I know it bothers him.

I’ve been reaching out to unknown family on Ancestry and trying to find the lines. Figure out what’s what. I reached out to two family members who I trust not to talk about it with my grandma. And I think I might have an uncle (my dad’s oldest brother) who’s willing to take the DNA test and one of my dad’s first cousins. In theory, they should both show up and I’m reading all of this super wrong. Or they don’t the way they should and I’m right. My dad isn’t actually Grandpa’s biological kid.

It’s too bad Grandpa isn’t around to ask about it. I have a feeling he’d be honest. He never minded shaking the boat.

It’s also probably a good thing none my family read this blog. I mean, I’ve been bugging them for years, but I gave up a while ago. Although if I’m honest, they’re not my secrets. Maybe that sounds insensitive. But I don’t think it’s fair to be asked to ignore a whole part of my history that makes me, me because someone can’t talk about the past.

Until we know more, I’ll hold onto the truth. DNA doesn’t lie.