I joke a lot about being useless the first hour I’m awake but in all honesty, it’s not a joke. I’m really a walking talking zombie. During that first hour, and most definitely before coffee hits my system, I’m not going to remember most conversations. I find myself staring off into space or seeing things that aren’t actually there.

Like the other day, I thought to myself, wow… that’s an interesting cloud. It was vertical and quite orange among the more pink and blue backdrop of the sky. I looked away and put some moisturizer on, a little makeup, and glanced back. Still there… hmmm, so odd. I watched thinking maybe it was plane smoke or discharge or whatever the heck that stuff is called. Convinced now there was a plane, I did my hair and started to gather my things. Only this cloud never moved. I stared hard. If there is a plane, the cloud will grow. I waited. Watching… nothing happened. It was about three minutes later that it dawned on me, I was watching power-pole. It was just a very nicely lit power pole and with the sunrise, looked sort of like a cloud. I decided that was a good moment to drink my coffee and I should probably call the eye doctor and get a new prescription.

More often then not, I try to lay in bed that first hour, or at least enough of it so that when I move to the shower, the remaining portion is under water. I’ve given up on texting people back or even reading email first thing. I’ve tried going to bed early but honestly, I’m just a finicky sleeper. Always have been. I can stay up for 36 hours without batting an eye. But you want me to function at 6am, even with 7 hours of sleep, ha! You’re cute.

I’ve even learned to modify the way I get ready in the morning. At least once a week, I manage to spill coffee down myself. It’s usually me knocking it over, but once in a while I just miss my mouth. I always wear a cami amongst my Washington layers only putting my shirt on before I walk out the door. My cami’s always have coffee on them or toothpaste or egg. Oh man, last week I dumped my plate of over-easy eggs all over myself. I was finding egg all day. If I had time to just get back in the shower, I would have. But I didn’t.

It’s that first hour. I swear it’s cursed.

On the weekends, I do stay in bed at least one hour. I still usually shower right away because I’m neurotic and I like routine. But I don’t feel like I have fluff for brains. I love when my co-workers comment on a cute outfit or my hair or anything that literally didn’t take any work at all. Because if they knew what a right mess I am in the morning, they would laugh. Hell, I’m not hiding it, I tell them and they do laugh. Sometimes it’s best to just accept the things that are and get a chuckle from them.