Grilled Cheese Memories

I was making grilled cheese and was struck by a memory. I was in the sixth grade and my friend David was over at my house. His mom and my mom were best friends. My mom asked us to make her grilled cheese for lunch and David was doing it wrong.

Okay… maybe he wasn’t cooking it wrong but at the time I hadn’t learned to deal with my control issues and they were full-blown mad woman. We were bickering about the right way to cook grilled cheese and when my mom came back she sided with him. I was furious. How could she side with David?! Ugh.

About a year ago was probably the last time I had grilled cheese and ten bucks says I was hit with the same memory. It’s not one of those foods I crave. But I thought about David and his mom. How we all lost contact at some point when we were in middle school. So I looked him up on the book of faces and reached out. I sent him a message and asked about his parents. He replied back pretty quick with “Who are you?”

I was crushed! How could you forget me? I was pretty sure I was an unforgettable kind of person. So I told him about how we used to stay the night at each other’s houses. He was mad at me for having a crush on his cousin instead of him. We used to stay up and watch movies into the wee hours of the morning. His mom gave me my first sip of beer, his too. I told him about how we’d wander through the hay fields and ride the horses. His response…

“Mom’s doing great, dad too. That’s awesome that you thought of her and me. But I don’t remember you at all.”

How in the fuck do you not remember me at all? For real?! For fuck’s sake David. Even if you didn’t remember me, you think you’d remember things like drinking beer for the first time and some random girl who was there. Your first boy-girl sleepover. Or even I don’t know, the fucking horse David. Who forgets riding a horse for the first time? Am I that unforgettable?

It just seems so odd to me that someone can blackout years of friendship. Was it the crush on your cousin David? It was probably only because I knew him first. Plus I had bad taste in sixth grade. He was a bad boy and always getting into trouble. You were good and kind and funny. Plus I didn’t know till I grew up that good boys were the far better choice in life. It took a couple of bad boys to sort that one out for me.

I was having a conversation once upon a time about not understanding the attraction to “crazy” women. Like when a guy knows someone crazy. Why is there an appeal to crazy? I don’t understand. My friend explained to me that men are attracted to “crazy” women the way women are attracted to “bad boys”. I imagine this goes the same for women who are attracted to women and men to men. Suddenly it made sense. I know as an adult you can’t fix or change anyone. You can only do that for yourself when you’re ready. No one can fix you. So I now actively don’t date “bad boys” because I’ll want to fix them. And that is a path of emotional destruction. Fun. But bad. I’m not looking for fun anymore. Last night I was on VR and I overheard a guy say he was looking for the right woman. His friend described it as being caught in a web. He goes, “Yea, but for the right spider, I’d happily be caught.” That’s how I feel. I’m not looking for games anymore. I’m looking for the right spider-mate. I want to have fun spinning a web with one person.

I hope David is happy and I only poke fun because… because how in the hell can someone forget me? I’m just sayin’.


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