How do people date in 2018? It’s been more than four years since I’ve wanted to date (recent antics aside). For real. Let’s not dwell on the sheer amount of time. The stars know I’ve dwelled enough for the both of us. Let’s just say, lots of things happened. If you’d like to play catch up, here are three posts about my niece and nephew who changed my life overnight. Episode 1; Episode 2; Episode 3. They’re older now, ages 5 and 6 and life is not grand but it’s better for them then it was. I’ve come to terms with how much of my life I set aside for them. I don’t regret it but it’s time to shift my focus back on me. I still spend most of my weekends with these munchkins. It’s been so long since I’ve dated that I’ve nearly forgotten how.

So how does one start to date in 2018. I imagine it starts with meeting people. Except, where is that done? Is there like some secret singles hot spot on this rock I’m unaware of? Dating was never hard before and I don’t even know where to start now. I’m sure there are a few things that don’t help.

I probably should start leaving the kids with their grandmother when I go out on the weekends instead of trucking one or both along. Everyone auto assumes that they are mine. Here’s the thing, it never bothered me before. But now, I don’t know. Nothing against single parents, you all rock your worlds, but I’m not one. I’ve taken to talking about myself in the third person. “Auntie doesn’t want to blah blah blah.” You know, just in case random strangers are curious about my single parenthood status.

Dumb. I know. I clearly think about it too much.

Oh, there’s also the shopping bags. My mother who’s always getting coupons for weird things like photograph shopping bags. Let’s just say there are too many bags with my niece and nephews faces on them. The sad thing is my single status is probably my inability to converse politely with strangers. I just don’t people well. I keep forgetting to level up that task.

I was saying something about leaving my book at home today because I thought it was rude to read in other teacher’s classrooms during my downtime. My mother turns to me, eyebrows raised, “It’s rude to read in other people’s classrooms but not while bowling during league. Or while walking in the store. Or while doing just about anything?! It’s no wonder your single. You don’t look up.” Wow, mom… thanks for keeping it real. So there are books too. I guess this bothers some people. At least it’s not a phone. Or is a nose in a phone better? I can’t keep up.

I’ve never really done the online dating thing. My only friends on this rock are married or have kids or some combination of the two. One of my best friends who used to push me to go out more moved away. Without his nagging voice, I haven’t gone out a single time. Which, let’s face, it causes a bit of a problem. How do you meet new people if you don’t go out?

Enter the online dating world.

*chill runs down spine*

I know people who go on dates from these dumb applications. Studies have shown more and more people meet online. Since I’m not really one to meet new people through nefarious ways, I assume “they” mean dating apps. Right?

So I created a profile on Plenty of Fish, and I let the messages roll in. That sounds super conceded but they kind of did. I wasn’t willing to pay for anything so what I could access and see was limited. Let’s just say that the conversation was less than stimulating.

More than one person wrote simply, “Hey.” in their messages… Is that supposed to warrant a response? I wasn’t sure. I got one that said, “What’s your name?” and a couple of hours later I got a follow up of, “?” I replied with something to the effect of, “I might be wrong but I figured the whole online dating thing meant that it gave people an opportunity to talk about things. What is in a name anyway? A rose by any other name would still smell just as sweet. I am being facetious, but for real. Let’s actually talk about something. So you pick the topic and I’ll reply with full sentences and proper punctuation.” He never wrote back. I probably shouldn’t be surprised.

I got three with nearly the same, “hey, what’s up” message. No punctuation of any kind. Which let’s face it, that’s a bit of a red flag. Especially when my profile says I’m a writer. I replied to one of them with “Ummm, not much. I’m considering going to a movie this afternoon, yourself?” He replied with, “Working.”

Do people actually like this?! I was so grossed out by this whole online dating interaction that I felt the need to shower. I did get one message which said, “You’re the most beautiful woman on the internet. I’m only 5’1” and 98lbs, probably too much for you to handle right? But I’d like to ask you out on a date.

Needless to say, I knocked my head against the desk, and deleted the account, having only been an active member for roughly 24 hours. I wonder if I’ve made some sort of record. When I canceled the account, one of the options for a reason why you’re closing your account was: I give up. <— I picked that. I really half expected some sort of, don’t give up just yet, push… but it was like, thanks for canceling. Have a nice day.

I’m shaking my head right now. Please, dear reader, don’t ever let me do that again. I’d rather not have friends then go through that once more. Way too much energy for something I didn’t even really want. But I’m always game for something new. So now I can say I’ve checked that box.

I’d just rather not check it again.

So I’m back to square one. Here’s the thing. It’s not that I’m desperate to date or get out there or whatever the kids are calling it. I’m just looking to meet people. Expand my horizons a bit. Have fun and if along the way I met someone, then I wouldn’t say no to a cup of coffee or a movie or even geeking out about similar interests. I’m done being lonely on this rock.

Girl looking to meet someone who doesn’t mind musicals and metal on the same playlist. Someone who understands what it means to be a Ravenclaw for life. An INFJ. Believes that all humans should be treated equally and an LGBTQ Ally. Avid reader, writer, and all around geek girl. Coffee obsessed. Thinks life can be found in the little things.

If you think you fit the bill of new friend material, then let’s get together. I’m dying for more adult interaction.