I had the weirdest dream last night. Probably one of the weirdest I’ve had in a long time. For the record, the strangest part for me at the time was that I was clearly working with corrupt police. That being said, without further adieu, I present Will Smith and a Block of Cheese.

“That’s the guy I need to plant this on,” the officer to my left holds up a bag of molly.

“That’s Will Smith,” I say, a bit indignant.

“Who?”

“The Fresh Prince of Belair.”

“Who?”

“He’s a movie star.”

“Doesn’t matter, my instructions were clear. The adult man holding the pink glitter suitcase and her,” the officer points to a a block of cheese. She’s wearing full plastic wrap. Her legs and arms remind me of the green M&M’s.

“What did she do?” I ask. What could will Smith an Ms. Cheddar have in common?

“I don’t know the details, I just follow the instructions. As will you if you want to keep this job.”

I take a breath and grab the ziplock of drugs.

“I’ll take Glitter bags, you take Havarti Party.”

“She’s Cheddar. Havarti is more of a creamy white color.”

The officer rolls his eyes at me and takes off.

I slip the bag of Molly into Cheddar’s open purse. She stops, spins around, and looks directly at me.

Fuck.

“Help.” Her voice is faint before her eyes roll to the back of her head.”

“Ma’am?”

Cheddar collapses into my arms and I lay her on the ground. I watch as her plastic encasement slowly fills with a clear fluid.

“Help! I think she’s gone into labor. Anyone a doctor?”

Will Smith was beside me in the next breath, “I played a doctor once. I know what to do.”

“She’s going to drown in her own fluids. We need a knife.” I dig around in my purse but come up empty.

Will hands me a pocket sized black handled knife. “Shhh… don’t tell anyone I have that. Could get me booted from my flight.”

I laugh to myself, knowing there are other reasons he won’t be making that flight. I take the knife and slowly make an incision, freeing the liquid.

Ms. Cheddar gasps for air.

“I’m pregnant, please help my baby.”

“I played a doctor once, I’ve got you ma’am,” Will gives her a hundred watt smile.

She starts to push and Will Smith and I help deliver a soft little slab of cheese. It’s healthy baby. I had the newborn cheese to it’s mom, “Now that’s a Havarti Party.”