The weeks pass quite quickly these days. Or so it seems. Somehow October is amongst us again and life is in full swing. With the exception of one last bookcase I must procure from the island, and the five small boxes of books it will house, I’m unpacked. It feels good to be a bit more settled than I’ve been in years. I’ve taken something like six full carloads of stuff to donation locations. I have three more boxes to take this week and I’ll feel like I’m doing good. My books are a mess. No organization at all, but I have faith that when I get that last bookcase, I’ll also be able to add some sanity to the chaos.
Is it weird that although I’m reunited with belongings, everything from old photographs to my record player, it still doesn’t feel like home? I don’t know if I’ve just not spent enough time here or if home really is when you’re with the ones you love. It’s not where I hang my hat, that’s for sure. There’s nothing wrong per se, just feels a bit empty. Which is no reflection of the way I feel. I feel full of life, love, and adventure.
Work is nothing like I thought it would be. To new levels of disappointing. I’ve never had a job that I couldn’t find the bright side of. I love my coworkers. They make going to work bearable. They are good people who are incredibly supportive of one another and they are all doing the best job they know how. I’m so thankful to have them in my life. I never thought I’d say that. I’ve always kept work and private life a bit seporate, and I’m viewing that through new eyes these days.
I haven’t found as much time to take photographs as I’d like. Unfortently, taking them before was built into every single day. That’s not really the case here. I’d need to carve out time here. Something I make excuses not to do. So this week, I’m committing to at least one day where I go take some photos. Because the reality is, I haven’t and I miss it. My youngest nibbling turned 6 this week. I’ll spend a day next week with her and I’m excited to be reunited with them. My thought is, I’ll have to pass several beaches along the way, and I will bring the camera! Birthdays have always been my favorite holiday and I’m excited to play a small part in hers. I bought her a unicorn rain jacket and just found out that mam’ma got her rainbow rainboots, so she will be all set for mucking in the mud. Something this dress monger loves.
Life keeps changing and the more at peace I am with myself, the easier it is to take in. No panic attacks, no anxiety holes, just trust. Trusting that whatever happens, was supposed to happen. That I’m supposed to be here. Trusting the people in my life. Trusting that even though it’s not always what I thought it would be, that I’m still where I’m supposed to be. I’ve come a long way in the last couple of years. This trust thing gets easier. It’s still an active choice and I’m okay with that. But I’m doing it. That’s the important bit.
I’ve got this.
I’ve got all of this.